Category Archives: School

Sugar is sweet & formaldehyde is vile!!!(!)

Yea, verily.

Lol.

Wheeeee.

Sugar should be a controlled substance. At least for me. Can’t hold my sugar.

Knowing full well that we were totally stressed out, almost to the breaking point, with five exams (2 of which are pass-fail, no mistakes allowed), TWO people brought in sugar. One brought dark chocolate, the other brought rice crispy treats with M&M’s.

So of course since we finished our first test in the morning, we ate sweets to celebrate/apply anesthesia. Then we’re all sitting just waiting for our turn to take the pass-fail practical of the day, and what do I do? I eat rice crispy treats. That is like the perfect “de-stress texture”.

Then I notice I’m starting to get loopy, but of course by the time you notice something like that, it’s too too late.

I talked super super fast all afternoon and was happy happy happy happy.

Then we get to bio class & we’re supposed to dissect the fetal pig. Which is VILE. Like, utterly. They were like drowned, rotting rats. All their organs were the same color, and when you cut them open, they goosh vile formaldehyde with chunks of clotted blood in it, like doing diarrhea all over the place. And they’re splashy, too. So if you are using the tweezers to pull something out of the way, and it slips. . .it sprays formaldehyde diarrhea all over the place, including in your hair

I would way, way rather gut a recently killed, still warm chicken with my bare hands before doing formaldehyde dissection. Vileness. You can’t get that smell out of your nose, either. It just lingers and lingers.

Apologies for not posting, but this is a really hard part of the semester and I’m just trying to keep my sanity.

OD’ing on sugar not withstanding.

(Think I’m starting to get eye-twitches. . .)

What constitutes being yelled at?

Several times now I’ve done a double take when some student recounts being “yelled at” by a teacher. . .only to realize that for them, “being yelled at” is “being reprimanded in a disapproving tone of voice”. I guess it’s because teachers aren’t expected to be disapproving, so any for of disapprovement is magnified. I would count it as merely a colloquial figure of speech, but apparently myself and another student got yelled at last yesterday afternoon, and I didn’t know it on account of I didn’t feel yelled at. (Our bio teacher was reminding us we couldn’t be at the same question display [we have to identify different things on plastic models of organs]. I took it as nothing more than a cautionary reminder, and didn’t think much of it. After I finished the test he apologized to me and said he wasn’t trying to insinuate I was cheating. I didn’t realize at the time how much more strongly the other student had taken it.)

In other entirely random and tired thoughts, this morning I thought that it would be cool if God taught school. Which, okay, maybe that’s a no-duh, but when you are sitting there in class trying to connect the dots between physics, biology and PT, you find yourself wishing that it was all just one class taught by someone who knew everything. Then you realize that (a) no one in their right mind is going to get a degree in both physics AND biology AND physical therapy and (b) there is only one who knows everything. But since God does NOT make rules about no cell phones or texting in class and no horsing around, we generally spend a lot of time ignoring Him and not learning. Bummer.

A more sobering piece of randomitis is this. Ethics committees can talk themselves into windblown circles all they want; in the real world, it often feels that there are NO right answers, not even if the answers are sanctioned by ethic committees.

Yay!

So I got my first clinical where I want it to be. I didn’t really expect that I wouldn’t, since our class pow-wow showed that there really wasn’t any competition for the place I wanted to go, but it feels better to have it settled.

We’ve known for quite some time that March was going to be when the rubber really hit the road, and it is not disappointing our expectations. Not that we were exactly looking forward to back to back tests all month long; but I at least was bracing for it. It quickly gets to the point where you find yourself running over to-do lists and deadlines, trying not to loose track of things.

We also all said that this was probably going to be the semester where we were just happy to pass, and let go of our drive for “only A’s” in favor of just escaping with our hide intact. I’m trying to hang on to it for as long as I can. . .but I can see myself rapidly getting fed up with trying for the A in pathology class or simply not having the time to study properly for bio, or flat out FORGETTING first aid class, seeing as it is only once a week.

The material is not confusing (at least yet, too much. Neuro is trying to get tricky); but we’ve already had more student tears this semester than we did last semester. This pass/fail practical stuff is just brutal on our emotions, guys and girls alike.

There is so much I “could” be doing. . .but after a certain point, it feels like my brain reaches critical mass. At the same time, I know that if I do not go over bio lab stuff TONIGHT, I will not do as well on the lab quiz tomorrow; there will be no time tomorrow to study, because it will be back to back classes from 8 till 5.

It’s something like walking on the knife-edge of balance for so many things. . .the sleep you know you need to learn and recall properly, the down-time necessary for a brain to decompress and be prepared to absorb once more; The sheer number of classes and exams begging study time; the desire to do as well as possible against the desire to maintain sanity. We say to ourselves “one day at a time, one day at a time”. . .but that’s a little false; our eyes must always be on the next day and what we must do to be ready for it. It’s exhausting.

[insert something witty & captiviating here]

I did not know that heat actually increases one’s tolerance for pain. Like, literally; if you place a source of heat “upstream” on a nerve, you literally have a greater tolerance for pain “downstream”. I always thought it was just relieving the symptoms, e.g. the source of pain, and apparently it does more than that.

I had too many questions and was getting too frustrated with our PAM class, so I did go and speak with the dean. I started just by asking all my unanswered questions—which lead to a book with a good deal more of the answers. It’s amazing how much better I feel just being able to get my questions answered. She also took the time to really listen to what I was saying, and that really helped, too. Especially since it seems like the PAM teacher is always just blowing us off and shutting us down. Her entire vibe is “just shut up and sit down while I read this slide.”

I don’t know if anything will change class-wise or not, but for those two things right there, it was worth it. I hope class-wise things will change, because it’s starting to get pretty tense. If someone gets upset enough to walk out, I wouldn’t be surprised if we all did. And I guess that’s one of the reasons why I felt like it was time for me to say something. If it’s going to come down to dramatics, I want to be able to say we tried all reasonable routes first. And I wanted it witnessed that it was not just “certain people” in a class that were having issues, but that even certified “good girls” were not finding this classroom conductive to learning.

I think that helped, too—the fact that she realized a legitimate complaint, not a student-doesn’t-like-the-teacher complaint. The dean, having taught us all last semester (yay for small programs!!), knows perfectly well the kinds of questions I ask. She brought up first how I tend to be making connections and putting things together while the basic concepts are being discussed. She seemed disturbed to find out that felt I wasn’t really welcome to be asking questions or point out contradictions from the book vs. the teacher. She really wanted me to keep asking questions. So now if I’m the most-annoying-student-in-the-class, I’m the most annoying student with the dean’s encouragement to be so. Which is worth something, right?

Beat your head against the wall; repeat until the problem goes away or you lose consciousness, which ever comes first.

This storm was predicted to be the storm of the winter.

The roads were awful this morning, but school wasn’t closed.

Usually I ride in with the boys, but we were all betting the school would close, if not soon than half-way through the day. So that wasn’t going to work. The boys called home when they got to work and said the roads were really bad and has the school closed yet, and what is wrong with them anyway?

This was not an encouraging report, and besides, several people had told me that the teacher had said if the roads were bad, she was going to cancel lecture even if the school didn’t close.

So I stayed home.

She had lecture; half the class showed up and half didn’t.

Now half of us are behind the other half. (And I’m in the wrong half!)

Then they closed the school at 1:30.

Stuff like this makes me want to beat my head against the wall and say “why? why? why? why?” Everyone has to commute to that school; the roads were expectedly, undeniably bad. If you know at least half of your students can’t or won’t make it in, why keep the school open?

While I’m indulging in complaining. . .while I’m glad that I do not have any teachers that make me emotionally or psychologically upset this semester, I still managed to get a doozy. She does not seem to be competent for the post; we ask questions and she says she doesn’t know. We are confused, and she says she is, too. She tells us to cross things off our learning packet because she doesn’t understand them. She hasn’t read our books and doesn’t know what’s in them. The only thing she can do is read slides aloud, but, no offense, I learned how to read a long, long, long, looooong time ago. Even if I am only 24.

I mean, yes. It is a hobby of mine to try to stump the teacher. They all say “I don’t know” at some point or another. But, for one thing, these questions I’m stumping her with are not obscure questions; they’re very basic. For another, I’m not the only one doing it. And it’s chronic on her part. Finally, she some how manages to come into every class seemingly more abundantly under-prepared than her students. And I know we’re a pretty brilliant, driven bunch of students, but still. You’re out-preforming your students in under-preforming? And I’m paying you? Not funny.

She did not make any more friends when she administered her first test, which was poorly written. And then poorly graded. I got points off because I listed “eye protection” as a protective barrier against bacteria. (It was fill-in-the-blank.)

“But it is a protective barrier, right?”

“Well, yes, but not what I was looking for. I was only looking for gown, gloves or mask. That wasn’t in my notes.”

“So it doesn’t matter if it’s true, as long as it’s in your notes?”

“Well, it does have to be true, but it does have to be my notes.”

Whatever. I was disgusted, but since reasonable conversation didn’t resolve the issue, I didn’t see any reason to create animosity at the beginning of a semester over 2 points. (Classmates felt otherwise; they looked up, found it in her notes, and demanded I go and get my 2 points. Confronted with her own notes, she did cede the points, but that’s not the point. The point is, if you are fighting with the part of your class that is well-behaved, responsible, on-time, attentive and producing a high level of work, you’re in trouble: that’s usually the last segment to revolt.)

We’ve been told we should go respectfully and diplomatically to talk to the dean. The problem is trying to discuss the problem without sounding like we’re whining. How does one go about saying “Um, I’m wasting my tuition on this teacher.” without sounding like a prima dona?

I like research

I do. I have fun looking stuff up and connecting the dots. I like figuring stuff out.

I do not like memorizing stuff.

This semester we have do a good deal more in the way of research. Unfortunately, we still have to do a fair amount of memorization, which is yucky.

Our group has picked Parkinson’s as our research project, and honestly, I just want to ditch all the other schoolwork and work on the research and presentation. It’s not that the stuff we have to memorize is unuseful; it’s just that it’s more boring than figuring things out. Some people seem to like it when they just have a list to memorize; they just have to look at it and file it away–easy! Well, first off, it isn’t so easy to me, as unconditioned as I am to memorizing, but it’s boring. Not only is it boring, I find it very unreliable. When you figure things out and understand them, you have a frame work. You can figure things out and double check yourself, and know that you’ve remembered it correctly. If you just memorize it, you could have memorized the wrong thing or have been confused or plumb forgot. There’s no way to double check yourself.

I don’t really want facts just handed to me, pre-chewed, with the instructions to swallow. It’s almost more fun to just have a bit of a hint dangled in front of me and a dare to find out. . .It’s more fun when there isn’t an exam to find out if you found all the things you need to find, but an invitation to explore. Somehow, that’s become an exception, not a standard theory. Nowadays, to “learn” you’re expected to have to be “taught”. Such dependence. Somehow, it never occurred to me before, so I’m still struggle to adapt to this new norm. I don’t think I’ll ever like it, but I do have to work with it.

I’m dead!

My blood pressure this morning was something like 80/65.

No, I was not light-headed or dizzy.

Yes, the instructor double-checked it.

Yes, people were disturbed.

No, I was not the only one. Apparently several of us female type people get low blood pressure right before lunch, despite having just taken a stressful exam.

That’s the other thing; exams are cruel this semester. The material seems easy, but they are making the tests meaner. That is to say, last semester, if I guessed the questions the professor would ask on the test, I would be making a much more difficult exam than they would administer. Now I guess, and the exam administered is harder. One person said the test we took this morning was the most difficult exam of the whole program so far. I don’t know if I would go quite that far, but it definitely is not sufficient to have an understanding of the materials; now we have to be prepared to answer every picayune thing. Before, if I could answer questions like that, it would be all like “What do you do, study all the time?!” Nowadays, I’d better know that stuff, because it will be on the exam.

I still think I can do this; it’s just more stressful and I might not end up with such pretty looking grades this semester—not that I won’t try, but last semester sometimes I was getting full credit PLUS extra credit, and I don’t think you’ll see that happening this semester.

In other news, we finally got our list of clinics willing to take us as students. We’re going to try to have a pow-wow on Friday to see if we (the students) can make everybody happy before we submit our choices to the professors. Some of us say “I don’t care where I go as long as I get the time I want,” and some of us say “I don’t care what time I get, as long as I can get the place I want.” We’re hoping that we’ll all be nicely complementary and we can sift things out so we’re all satisfied. Murphy’s law says we won’t, but as a whole, we’re happier with our chances of negotiating with each other than blindly submitting our choices to our teachers, who will, if there is too many people who want the same thing, put our names in a hat and draw and assign.

Victory

My grades are now officially inline with what they really were!

In other news, the Seniors are. . .not carrying themselves with dignity. We’ve not ever felt like they welcomed us or condescended to have anything to do with us, but they have now taken it to the point of being childish with club politics. I am not the interim president of freshmen, so I avoided being as upset as the interim president of the freshmen. . .but I think it’s fair to say that we all feel that they’re acting. . .unprofessionally?

What I don’t understand is what initiated this change. In other words, as frustrating as this new thing is, I’m more concerned by what undercurrents may have initiated it. When you don’t know what has given birth to something else, you have no idea what else may shortly be birthed. In other words, what the heck?

I think what makes this situation so much more frustrating is that we really can’t figure out the point of having the club anyway, as it mostly just seems like a source of frustration, stress and annoyance. The more unpleasant things become, the more we consider just quitting, as scandalous as that might seem. Who needs a source of stress with no productivity or use?

In also other news, we were assigned project partners for our Pathology class. I told someone previously that it was our Rehab class, but that’s an error on my part. (The pathology class has three different programs combined for it’s main lecture, but then gives a PTA specific class on one day of the week—during which we meet in the classroom for Rehab; hence the confusion.) The odd thing is having assigned project partners, which means you can get some of the oddest matches. In my group there is me, a blond girl, and a quarterback. It’s very weird.

I’ve only used my “Big Sister” voice (it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it) on them once so far. Aren’t you proud of me?

Yeah, but we’re smarter than you

Last semester, as a whole, our class did very well. We didn’t loose track of what things were due when; we did the work; if we couldn’t figure things out, we helped each other. We had all been severely warned that if any of us had grades that dropped too low, we would have to attend mandatory structured study. No one had to.

In fact, we were repeatedly told what an awesome class we were, and how we were getting bragged up to everyone on campus as being such an good group. We all passed the first semester. If I understood correctly, we were the first class anyone can remember where everyone passed the first semester.

In general, our largest, collective problem was testing stress. Some of us were more obsessive than others, and we all showed it in different ways. But if we could just lick that testing stress, we did well. In response, we encouraged each other to relax, to chill, to remember what we knew we could do instead of getting fixated on all the things we weren’t sure if we could do or not, and to practice whatever scared us the worst. It was not something to rule us; it was just yet one more hurdle to get over.

This semester, things are different. We have two kids in our class who are here because they didn’t make it through the program the first time around. And these kids? All they want to do is tell horror stories. “Oh, so-and-so’s tests are horrible, this subject is so difficult, you think this is hard, you wait till you see what the other thing is like. . .”

It’s unrelenting, and it puts us in a tough spot. Having been repeatedly told by Every. Single. Teacher. how exceptional our group is, having watched each other pull through nearly every test with flying colors—we just don’t quite buy their stories about how we’re all going to fail and die. We want to do what we’ve always done—”Oh, come on, how hard can it be? If the seniors could do it, so can we! After all, we’re smarter than the seniors! We can figure it out.”

But now we’re in the presence of those who couldn’t and didn’t. It seems rather rude to rub it in their face that we’re smarter, cooler, stronger, funnier, quicker, more observant, more diligent, more-awesome-in-every-way than they are. And it makes it hard to encourage them. And it makes us a little resentful that they keep saying how hard everything will be. That’s our Achilles’s heel. You can warn us and offer to help. You can help us deal with our testing anxiety. But it’s really kind of unpleasant for you to just stand there and say “You will all suffer. Suffer! SUFFER!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!”

I want to be nice. I want to welcome them into our group. Especially since they have both said that, last year, everyone got into these “cliques” and all the smart people just hung out with each other in isolation, and didn’t have anything to do with the mere mortals. I’ve always been willing to help anyone out with their brain-work, if they wanted it. Why should they be any different? If they’re struggling, and I can help, I would. But since they’ve been through it once, they think they’ve got the experience, and they’re not looking for hope. They just want to let us know how sad we’ll be later on in the semester.

And that’s the reason that, the next time one of them tells me “Oh, Neuro is so hard. It is so, so hard. You can really worry, then. That’s the whole reason I’m here again!”, I’m going to have a very hard time not saying, “My friend, I have a 4.0 GPA. If you ever want a little help, just let me know and I’ll give you a hand. Maybe this time you can actually make it through.” And smiling.

Sweetly.

[In other news, I had a very "sweet" meeting today with my psychology teacher from last semester. I was all prepared to take the high road and be all nice and conciliatory and smooth everything over prettily. Then I rushed from one end of the campus to the other in an effort to be on time so she wouldn't have to wait a minute for me. . .only to be stood-up for 15 minutes. That gave plenty of time for the pressure gauge to move from "conciliatory" back to "seething". One does not know, exactly, how much my smile of greeting looked like a smile of greeting and how much it looked like a gritting of teeth. Or maybe baring of teeth. At any rate, she did get the brilliant idea to go and get the grade change form and sign it right in front of me. She said it would take "a few days" to "a week" for the changes to be entered in the system. . .and I'm pretty sure that even she realizes that if it, for some reason, it happens not be in the system within a week, she can expect another friendly visit. And I'm not entirely sure she enjoyed this one. Me, either, now that you mention it.]

I. Am. So. Sore.

I felt like I was kind of starting to figure out how to skate yesterday, as opposed to simply staying up-right and moving on my skates. But today, I am soooooo sore. I seemed to be getting more sore as the day went on. Which meant that I really benefited from today’s class where we had to do leg and arm massage. . .only, my “PTA” only did one calf. . .and just about every muscle in my body could have used a good going over.

Tomorrow is our first practical exam in our Intro to Rehab class, but the first half of the class has already passed with flying colors. If they can do it, I’m sure we can do it. Tomorrow we also get our “clinical choice” forms, which, as I understand it, means we get to see the list of what places are willing to take on students. We’ve all been dying to see it.

I feel like I’m on the cusp of “getting” this semester, figuring out a new rhythm and routine. I just can’t help but be impatient for me to actually get there, but it really can’t happen until after the first round of exams is over. But at least I have gotten far enough into it that I’m past the “I am so dreading this semester” feeling, and have kicked back into “schoolwork” gear.

I was thoroughly chastised, when I came home today, for how horribly I had been distracting my brothers. (Yes, it was said brothers who were chastising me. Apparently, it got so bad, he almost wrote me an email-cum-text to my cell phone to tell me how badly I was distracting him. I was saved by this onslaught of false accusation only because he didn’t know my cell phone number.)