About Me

One has to keep one’s audience happy, and popular demand states that I must update my ‘about me’ page.

I hate ‘about me’ pages.

You have to come up with a few choices words to define yourself, make a statement about who you are and a what you encompass. But that’s telling–it’s cheating–it’s like reading the end of the story first!

Nonetheless, I realize people need to be able to read the front and back flap and see whether or not they want to crack the book open. So:

I was orphaned at an early age (3 or 4 or so, I don’t remember precisely, having been very young) and went to live with my aging great-aunt in her apartment in the city. I was a very good girl, dutiful and quiet and responsible, and so therefore rarely paid any mind. It’s the greatest disguise, being well-behaved, because then you’re not under scrutiny and can do a rather lot more.

Before I had finished high-school, I’d gotten myself thoroughly involved in some very brave, daring–might I even say heroic?–work with the under-privileged class. Although I wasn’t doing anything morally wrong (indeed, much good was coming of my work!), I was certainly circumventing an awful lot of bureaucratic red tape, and as such, breaking the law. Lots of laws, probably.

I suppose you think that in the end it caught up to me, but no. I was ‘caught’–or at the very least, taken in to custody and accused–but it was actually for I crime I was no way responsible for or even aware of. However, in order to prove myself innocent in the face of these false accusations, I would have to blow my cover. I was sentenced for the crime I did not commit.

Curiously, the local barber, of all people, didn’t believe I was guilty of this crime, and determined to prove me innocent. His investigative research did cause him to find out about my work with the under-class (which included many ex-convicts). However, he also inadvertently tipped this hidden community off to the fact that I was being punished wrongly. Incensed on my behalf and determined to pay their debts of gratitude, they secretly formed a plan to break me free.

When they arrived on the scene, it left me with a gut-wrenching choice: Either escape with the under-class, free from my current distress but forever a fugitive from the law–or serve my undeserved sentence of 7 years of hard labor, and in the process spurn the help of those I had helped, shaming them and destroying many friendships forever. It was a horrible, horrible decision to have to make.

*cough, cough* Ahem!

Well, hrm. Something like that, anyway.

Or not.

Mostly not.

Okay, so I made it all up. But now my ‘about me’ page is updated. Yay!!!

One Response to About Me

  1. You are no longer going to school, and no longer working as a Rehabilitation Aide at a local hospital—which is to say, please update.

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