Monthly Archives: July 2011

grouchy

what do you do when you literally wake up on the wrong side of the bed and have no idea why? I mean, yeah, there is always chocolate, but that seems like such a cliche.

I’ve been going once a week to my friend Kim’s house; she’s been helping me study for the boards. She has a dog–a little one, but not a yippy-yappy one. His name is Louie, and he kinda makes me want a dog of my own. This surprises me, ’cause I’ve never really been a dog person. But I’ve always thought if was going to get a dog, it would be a dogs dog–some variant on a sheep dog. It would be a very smart dog, but an outside dog. Cats are allowed in, but dogs really just seem like outdoor creatures to me.

I guess what makes me like Louie is that he is such a good-natured creature without being hyper or stupid. Isn’t that what one looks for in a pet?

Last weekend before work starts. I am busy enough obsessing about the boards that I don’t think I have enough ‘sessing to ob in the direction of work. I am hoping that by the time this coming week is gone, many areas of uncertainty will be smoothed over.

In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out how to get ride of the source-less grouches. I did actually try the chocolate; it hit the spot but didn’t clear the problem. Exercise was also attempted, hence the icing of shins that do not believe in higher velocity ambulation. Last call is going back to bed with a little prayer that tomorrow starts out on a better foot.

(And maybe another one for the hope of finally getting my cell-phone functional. I know it’s not in the life or death category, but pretty-please, anyway. I certainly can’t fix it. . .)

Chapter II

You know you are in Small Town, America when you can rely solely upon old churches as your landmarks to find your way around town.

And when you think a place is gettin’ civilized when it has it’s own Wal-Mart.

There is a business sign over there that says “Redneck Redemption” on it. I have no idea what business/service they are supplying.

I’m not sure I want to find out.

I don’t get checked for drugs often enough to be neat about peeing in a cup. (That was probably TMI. Sorry.)

The hospital is small. Really small. It took me about 2 years of intermittent employment to find my way around the last hospital I worked at. This one took, um, 15 minutes? Woah. Small hospital.

I miss my journal, of sorts. You mind find it a bit tedious to read about my todays, but a few months from now I will undoubtedly be spending hours re-reading my posts, acknowledging the time that slipped by me when I was too busy to notice.

Today was kind of my orientation day at my new place of employment, which included my pre-employment physical. It will be mostly outpatient, but a few hours every day will be spent on inpatients at the local hospital that we contract with. I didn’t understand why it was only a few hours until today. It is smaller than one floor of the hospital I used to be at, so it’s no wonder it only takes a few hours to see all the patients.

I ran into my bosses boss today. I’m a little anxious, ’cause my boards are next week. “But you’ve got a reputation to live up to, don’t you?” he said. “You’re the head of the class, right? The go-to girl!”

Nope, I didn’t tell him that. And actually, I was kind of uncomfortable that he knew. But he also hired one of my classmates at a different location, and she blabbed. So, yeah, now I have reputation to live up to! In all honesty, I’m very glad she had only good things to say about me to our mutual employer. But I am still kinda anxious about those boards, man. Everyone else thinks I can pass hands down, but I don’t have that kind of confidence. Gonna be a lot of people owing me “I told you so”s if I pass!

New album

One of my favored artists, Sandra McCracken, is putting out a new album.

From You To Me from jeff venable on Vimeo.

For a limited time, you can download this song free from here:

http://noisetrade.com/tnep

ta-da!

um, hi. Did you notice we were re-wall-papering? Special thanks to my brothers for indulging me!!

July pictures. . .

Click through to see larger images. I’m still learning my new camera, but always glad to have it with me. I need to get better about sticking the camera in peoples’ faces, though, or I’ll wind up with nothing but a bunch of (very beautiful) scenery pictures. They’re nice, but people are kinda special too, ya know.

Where Are You?

I think we have a lot of contemporary messages telling us how we ought to pray. Some of us are more susceptible to certain messages than others. I guess I can be pretty susceptible to the ones that basically boil down to “stop whining.” The ones that say you are always supposed to be grateful in your prayers, and never really cry out, because God is a good God and you aren’t going through anything that isn’t a blessing. You have nothing to say to Him except “thank You.”

I have struggled with that, because to me that seems dishonest. To pray, “gee, thanks so much” when your heart feels like it’s being torn in a million pieces feels like politely telling your grandma thank you for the ugly uncomfortable sweater that you secretly hate. It may be polite, and it may be proper, but it is hiding what you really think and feel.

Adam and Eve hid.

God didn’t say, “Thanks for hiding; I really didn’t want to see that, yo.”

He said, “Where are you?”

He doesn’t want us to hide; He wants us to come to Him, even in our sin and shame and brokenness, and to be honest.

At one point, I found myself praying repeatedly, “God, I just don’t even know how or what to pray.”

Recently I found myself drawn to reading the Psalms, and I realized that was His answer. The majority of the psalms are prayers, and they’re full of things like “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” They’re full of people crying out to Him about they way they have been wronged by this world and the people in it. Full of people asking God to be near, asking why He isn’t near, asking for blessings, asking for deliverance, asking for vindication, asking for mercy.

And God didn’t say, “You’re not supposed to talk to Me like that! Eat your peas and carrots; they’re good for you.” He preserved those prayers for us. Those honest prayers that said, “My God, why are You doing this to me?”

He doesn’t want us coming to Him pretending that everything is okay and then trying to deal with our hurt and confusions ourselves, without Him. When we are hurt and confused is right when we should be going to Him, but often we can find ourselves not wanting to approach God until we can come to Him with the “right” attitude. Because God is good, so if you’re not being grateful, you’ve got an attitude problem, right? Get back in line!

God is good. That’s why we don’t have to hide from Him. That’s why we can call out to Him for mercy and love. That’s why we can bring our brokenness to Him. That’s why we don’t have to wait until we can make ourselves perfect enough to approach Him. That’s why we can call out to Him and say, “Where are You?”