God has mercy

I didn’t work last weekend, or this weekend, and provided nothing comes up unexpectedly I won’t be working next weekend. And I refuse to work the weekend after that, if the tests are going to pile up like it looks like they will.

That means I have been sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. Every time I think I’ve caughten up on my sleep deficit, I amaze myself by sleeping in for another several hours.

Next week is relatively quiet; I have a few papers to finish and a first aid test. The two weeks after that look very yucky, with more tests than I care to count. The week after that, I have two finals and then a few days reprieve. . .before I start my very first clinical. I can’t help but be nervous about it, because I have no idea what I’m really getting myself into. I will also be starting two online classes (a history class and an english class), which means I basically will have no time off this summer. But it’s a good thing, because it means that next fall, instead of carrying 20 credits, I will only be carrying something like 13 credits, and I feel a huge wave of relief just typing that. March and the first half of April were so incredibly stressful and wearing on me that I do not want to come anywhere near repeating that level of workload. Sacrificing my summer for saving my sanity next year seems like a good deal.

I also managed to change my schedule so that my hard days next fall will be at the beginning of the week instead of Wednesday/Thursday. That was another brutal set-up I didn’t want to repeat.

The extra days has not only allowed for more sleep and less stress, it has also allowed for enough quiet, still time to hear myself think. I can’t say that I’ve come up with any particularly grand conclusions or deep ponderings, but I do feel almost as though all my senses have been cleansed–not that I can literally hear or see better, but that I am noticing things I should have noticed before, both internally and externally.

Nothing is free; everything comes at a price, whether we at first notice it or not. In some ways, I am happy that so much of the cost of the path I’m on now is so blunt and obvious and unavoidable. I welcome the honesty, even if it is uncomfortable.

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