Monthly Archives: April 2010

God has mercy

I didn’t work last weekend, or this weekend, and provided nothing comes up unexpectedly I won’t be working next weekend. And I refuse to work the weekend after that, if the tests are going to pile up like it looks like they will.

That means I have been sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. Every time I think I’ve caughten up on my sleep deficit, I amaze myself by sleeping in for another several hours.

Next week is relatively quiet; I have a few papers to finish and a first aid test. The two weeks after that look very yucky, with more tests than I care to count. The week after that, I have two finals and then a few days reprieve. . .before I start my very first clinical. I can’t help but be nervous about it, because I have no idea what I’m really getting myself into. I will also be starting two online classes (a history class and an english class), which means I basically will have no time off this summer. But it’s a good thing, because it means that next fall, instead of carrying 20 credits, I will only be carrying something like 13 credits, and I feel a huge wave of relief just typing that. March and the first half of April were so incredibly stressful and wearing on me that I do not want to come anywhere near repeating that level of workload. Sacrificing my summer for saving my sanity next year seems like a good deal.

I also managed to change my schedule so that my hard days next fall will be at the beginning of the week instead of Wednesday/Thursday. That was another brutal set-up I didn’t want to repeat.

The extra days has not only allowed for more sleep and less stress, it has also allowed for enough quiet, still time to hear myself think. I can’t say that I’ve come up with any particularly grand conclusions or deep ponderings, but I do feel almost as though all my senses have been cleansed–not that I can literally hear or see better, but that I am noticing things I should have noticed before, both internally and externally.

Nothing is free; everything comes at a price, whether we at first notice it or not. In some ways, I am happy that so much of the cost of the path I’m on now is so blunt and obvious and unavoidable. I welcome the honesty, even if it is uncomfortable.

Maybe I can at least swing weekly bulletins

  • My second to youngest brother just turned 13. I was old when I turned thirteen. What the heck is he doing being old? It seems like just yesterday we were having conversations about how it seemed like it would never forever get to the point where all the “little kids” were teenagers. Now the “little kids” are 13, 10 and almost 8, respectively. There ARE no little kids. I kinda sorta knew that, but now it’s really hit home. Everybody’s all growed up.
  • I did get the scholarship I applied for. Woo-hoo! Still have to earn money, but between that and my tax refund, it now looks feasible to pay for my second year of college. Still not sure how a car will materialize, though.
  • Today is my first day of break, but “break” looks to be packed from pretty much end to end with stupid school projects I don’t want to do. Esp. since spring is here now.
  • I miss gardening, but even I am not stupid enough to pretend I have time to do it at the moment.
  • I have convinced myself that in Alaska, there are no bills, laundry, stupid school assignments (SSA), or responsibilities. However, Alaska is rather far away for running away to. So my cousin & I have conspired to do the next best thing. . .we’re going to spend Wednesday trekking state parks, pretending we’re in Alaska (a.k.a., no bills laundry, SSA. or responsibilities). We’ll talk lots, take pictures & maybe visit a pottery studio.
  • Tuesday will be “Measure a building for your American’s With Disabillities Act 6 page paper” day, with two of my class-mates.
  • Thursday will be “Learn & help classmates with Neurology as needed for test the week after break” day.
  • Friday we have company over & I’m cooking. . .
  • And in between all that are various SSA, including “Down-load the internet and write it on 3×5 cards” and “Watch someone(s) for half an hour and describe what they doing using as much psychology gobbledy-gook as possible.”
  • Also domestic things like LAUNDRY, and HAIRCUTS and BILL-PAYING that I have let go for far too long.
  • Unfortunately, the remainder of the semester doesn’t look any nicer at-tall, no siree.
  • After this semester is my summer semester of a 4-week long clinical, & two online classes (eng & history).
  • There are rumors that the aunt who had decided to do this years reunion has bailed. . .and rumors that people are hinting that maybe probably I would want to do it. I pretty much told them to get back to me when they were willing to speak in more than rumors. After all, it’s just a gathering of 40 or so people, & you can throw that together in a week as long as you refuse to be democratic, right? Right?
  • Also next week, we are supposed to host the local professional organizational meeting of our profession, the same day as our neuro exam, which I keep forgetting about. Not the exam, the hosting. It’s like from 7pm to 9pm or some equally absurd time that makes my life difficult. I know what I want to bring, but not the logistics of how to make it happen. And since my last class that day gets out at 3 pm, there’s this whole awkward thing of what do do about supper. Some people say it’s stupid to go home and come back. . .esp. since my normal ride doesn’t pick me up until 4:30 and since people who are hosting are supposed to be there to set up at 6:30. But I don’t want to pack supper or (*gasp!*) pay for supper.
  • Oh, and also next week my group is supposed to be presenting to the class for an hour, and so far we are approximately. . . utterly unprepared. Except me. Who is only kinda prepared.
  • Oh, and also I keep forgetting—we have mandatory neuro review on Tuesday from 3 to 5.
  • And I think there is more stuff that I’m forgetting, but. . .I’m forgetting. . .